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You can go and love yourself

Welcome to my first blog! This is exciting and also a bit nerve racking. I’ve never written a blog before and don’t really fancy myself as much of a writer. However, the opportunity to get thoughts down onto paper is something I don’t do enough, but whenever I do it feels so good!

I tossed up topics for my first ever blog, wanting to make sure it was the perfect choice and not something that wouldn’t be of interest to people. After thinking about it for way too long, I realised that I was questioning my ability to do something, and the judgement that may come from people I know and from total strangers!

Confidence, judgement, and opinions. That’s the topic for today. I don’t really want to write about it, as I am a newcomer to the self-confidence club to be truly honest with you all. But if I can join the club and stick to my membership, so can you!

Worrying about other peoples opinions of me has caused me more issues than I have time to write about. It has caused me anxieties, lost me opportunities and left me feeling like I was never enough. Fear of judgement followed me daily, which in turn resulted in me judging others.

The journey to being confident in who you are is long and tough. There is no fast way to get there, and it's not one size fits all. For me, the first step to loving myself, and being confident and comfortable with who I was started differently to how you may think. It started with accepting others.

Yes others.

Sounds weird I know, but it worked. Stay with me on this.

I am my own biggest critic, I hold myself to the highest of expectations- ones that I wouldn’t expect of friends of family. I become angry with myself for not achieving the things I said I would and expect only the best from myself at all times.

I acknowledged that I will always hold myself to a high standard. I expected that when I failed I would be judged and spoken about by others.

For me, I knew that if I could openly accept all those around me for who they were, what they did, and interacted with them with no judgment or expectations then I would be able to start working towards cutting myself some slack. It was unrealistic for me to think that I could break my patterns of behaviours towards myself immediately, but I felt confident that I could start to open myself more to those around me and to engage without judgement.

I am a big believer that when we judge others, we do so for a number of reasons. We are jealous or envious or we see something in that person that we don’t like about ourselves- so we call it out on them in a way to protect ourselves. This is from experience. That was me, and sometimes I can still fall into that trap, I am most certainly not perfect, just doing my best. Accepting others around me for who they were, flaws and all allowed me to start accepting my own flaws and to be ok with the things that needed some work.

I found that when I lost judgements, and stopped placing my opinion on other people’s values, behaviours and experiences that I in turn felt more comfortable with myself. I had a sense of freedom.

Letting go of judgement of others allowed me to let go of judgement of myself.

I realised that the judgments I thought people would make of me, were actually my own judgements. The opinions I thought people would have, were actually my own negative opinions trying to self sabotage myself to keep me in my comfort zone, to protect me from harm.

These days, when I hear judgement pop up in my head, I sit and listen to it. Not to believe it, but to understand why I am saying that to myself, or about someone else. Then I counter act it with a positive statement.

It’s a daily process, and it's one that has to be worked on regularly. The result is worth every bit of work!

Well, that’s a wrap for my first blog! Thanks for sticking with it!

Until next time~

Shel x

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